Saturday, December 23, 2006

Clarity and a Thank You

I made my donation to MSF yesterday. Go make yours too. I’ll wait.

When I woke up this morning (at my mom’s place, all set for 25), I was thinking about the Christmas spirit I’m lacking, and then I remembered the last time I felt it. Back in July. I woke up feeling like Christmas then, with that crazy, childlike, excited, happy, awareness of the day. Complete with that something-good-is-happening tingle of anticipation. It lasted all summer. Then (back to this morning) I got to wondering if you only get one helping of Christmas spirit per year, and if I’d already used mine up. Maybe that’s it. Christmas has always been my favourite holiday – a chance to give from your heart to all the people you love, and it’s tough to feel like I'm going through the motions this year.

I also wanted to clarify my posting from a few days ago. The one about the boyfriend money (which was donated to MSF), because I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.

I’m not one of those simpering, needy, whiny girls who cannot be without a guy. Really, I’m not. I hate them. Neither can I stand the ones who, when involved with someone, cannot manage to participate in anything without their significant other tagging along. Hate it.

I’m actually fiercely independent (sometimes I think that’s one of the reasons these things never seem to work out), . But even independent creatures want some company sometimes, and sometimes the girl off alone in the corner is the one with the most love to give. And just because you don’t need something doesn’t mean it’s not something you want. And just because everyone thinks you’re supposed to just get over it and feel fine doesn’t mean that you do.

I like to think I’m a good person with some decent qualities, and the fact that my heart is alone, especially at Christmas time, makes me sad. And I’m done apologizing for it.

What I do want to say is thank you. Thanks to all the knitters who read and comment and make this blogging thing so much fun. Thanks to my knitty-girls in Kingston (especially Jen, Emma), who meet up to drink coffee and knit and share stories and techniques and a little bit of themselves every week. Thanks to Heather, my forever secret pal from the summer, for writing and caring, for being a generally lovely human being, and (wow!) for the Christmas surprise that landed in my inbox yesterday (folks… this girl sent me a GC for Red Bird Knits). And to Canknitian for the hilarious Christmas e-card. And Renee, for making me feel welcome in blogdom from the beginning (and for having such beautiful little girls who make me smile every time I read her!). And Stephanie, for turning us all into a community. And everyone else, for laughs, for inspiration, for tips, for encouragement, for ideas, and just for including me.

It’s been a rough couple of months, but I look around and I have a big pile of beautiful knitted things that make me feel clever and talented and proud. I have a whole whack of beautiful yarn waiting to be knit into more beautiful things to make me feel cleverER and talentedER and proudER. And best of all, I have a huge community of friends (online and in person) who share this joy of knitting (okay, some of us are less joyous right now – deadline! Knit now, read later…).

A sense of belonging is very important. And as the Harlot said a few days ago (and suggested for T-shirts!):

I’m a knitter and I’m on a very big team.

Whatever you are, have been, or will be celebrating, Merry Happy Festive.


At 2:26 p.m., Anonymous canknitian said...

You are so welcome! Happy holidays!!

At 3:04 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Merry happy festive to you, too.

At 4:00 p.m., Blogger Renee said...

Thank you right back - I love your blog and I love your comments on mine.

Merry Christmas to you. I'm sorry to hear you are spirit-less this year. I've had years like that myself. I wish we were closer....I'd take you out for a gingerbread latte. That'd make you feel a little better for a little while at least (we could spike 'em with rum if it'd help).

At 4:10 p.m., Blogger allegra918 said...

Enjoy your holiday, no matter how spirited you are. I too would take you out for a Gingerbread Latte, and I hope we can meet someday!

At 8:51 p.m., Blogger Carol said...

Hopefully the holidays will recharge your spirit. Even if it's not Christmas spirit, a recharge sounds like it is in order! You have a knitting group in Kingston? Can I come too? I live in Kingston......

At 10:44 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are clever and talented and you should be proud! Go you!


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